Betrayal

There’s good reason Dante put the traitors in the deepest part of Hell. There is nothing that I have ever experienced that hurts as badly as when someone whom I loved dearly turned on me - loudly, cruelly, intentionally, and publicly, in an epic blow-up.

It takes two to make or break a relationship, and I hold myself to that same standard. I am not without blame over the years. When the epic blow-up occurred, I was so gobsmacked that I responded defensively when I should have just walked away. 

It happened a few years ago, and it left me reeling for months.  I questioned everything I thought I knew about the person, myself, and our relationship. In hindsight, I started recognizing patterns of behavior that, in my naïveté, I had missed or explained away because I believed this person felt the same way about me as I did about her. And that was my longstanding mistake. 

But the past makes so much more sense when viewed through a lens of truth. The blowup tore me to shreds at the time, but now I recognize it as a necessary revelation. The truth came bursting out and pummeled me until I believed it. 

An act of harsh disloyalty is INFORMATIVE. It brings CLARITY. 

I SEE you. You did what you did; you said what you said. You made yourself abundantly clear. There’s nowhere to go from here. The beans have been spilled. The toothpaste is out of the tube. There’s no going back. 

So I will simply move out of your way. Betrayal itself is CLOSURE. I’m done. 

As a Christian, I believe in forgiveness, and I desire to live at peace with everyone. The Lord has been hard at work in me to help me understand and live what I profess: I am a sinner who has received forgiveness, and I may not withhold grace when I have received so much. I can only deal with myself, though. I am not the Holy Spirit. 

It’s not beyond His ability to bring about repentance and restoration. 

It’s just beyond mine.