“Do what you will, there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient’s soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary.” - C.S. Lewis in The Screwtape Letters (context: this is advice from a senior demon to an apprentice demon, instructing him on how to make his “patient,” a human, more fit for Hell.)
And don’t we see this very thing all around us? Why are we smiling and kind to the stranger bagging our groceries and then immediately snap at our kids the moment we get in the car? Why do we “let our hair down” at home (which might simply mean we don’t take great pains with our appearance, but can also mean we don’t take great pains with our behavior, either) and then put on our best show to go run errands? Why does my ego preen at how nice I am to my neighbors and then I bite my husband’s head off at the dinner table every night?
The Christian worldview starts with the recognition that our very nature is bent to sin, and the repair work starts within. Mortify sin, pursue Christ, love God with all my heart and soul and mind and strength - and in the process of getting my Self fixed by my Maker, I will then love and serve better at home, in my community, in my work…it radiates outward, but only after starting at the center. I am commanded to honor my spouse, my children, my parents, my neighbor, and with my changed heart, that’s what I do. Those in my immediate presence are there by God’s providence, and that’s where I am called to love, serve, and forgive.
The opposing worldview starts with the assumption that the Self is innately good. The problem doesn’t lie within, it lies externally, in other people and systems. Those in closest proximity are the ones that irritate me most - rub me the wrong way, annoy and bug and rankle me. From the high horse of my most excellent soul, it’s so easy to see all their faults and failings. That husband of mine? {insert list of faults} That neighbor next door who mows at 730am and has the yappy dog? My father, who was so strict and difficult to talk to? UGH. They receive my derision and disdain, and rightly so, because they just can’t see their failings like I can. So I direct my benevolence to Those People Out There who really *need* my help. Some poor oppressed category of stranger receives more compassion than I gave my own husband for 10 years, before I dumped him for being such a selfish jerk.
Here’s a question to ponder. Whom are you performing for? The Christian is called to love and serve and obey God, who tells us to honor our parents and serve our spouses and bring up our children in His ways. The Christian, doing good at home, is unseen by others, but seen by God, whose opinion is the only one that matters. The unbeliever, under no such compunction from a god who isn’t there anyway, is operating out of self love (what feels good) and for the approval of others. It’s far more laudable to march and protest and put out yard signs and speak vileness on social media than it is to invisibly, quietly serve at home and at church.
