I have seen numerous videos from younger individuals detailing their eye-opening realization that parents of previous generations “did the best they could with what they had.” The gist is that those poor Boomer moms and dads just didn’t have the skills, awareness, tools, or whatever that today’s enlightened parents have.
I do think they’re trying to be helpful in the estrangement arena. They’re offering an explanation for why the estranged child’s parents fell short - those parents just didn’t know back then what parents today know. And perhaps that’s a piece of the puzzle. But there’s something missing.
The underlying assumption is that what’s new and modern and current is inevitably an improvement upon what used to be. Those old, outdated parenting methods of yore? Pfft. We know better nowadays.
Now, if we’re talking about parents whose mistakes were far more than normal human failings - genuinely harmful, abusive, malicious parents - then HELL yes. FIX that shit. Give no quarter.
But if we’re talking about parents whose mistakes were indeed normal human failings, then guess what, O Buttercup of Modern Enlightenment? You will make those exact same mistakes.
Your patience is not infinite because you have a therapist. Your temper is not unflappable because you practice self-care. You don’t have endless wisdom for every situation because you know you’re on the spectrum. You don’t have all the answers because you’re aware of the plight of the north Uzbekistani trans population.
Plenty of folks know better and still falter miserably. Plenty of unsophisticated rubes have wisdom and demeanor that far exceeds what you might assume at first glance.
“Know better, do better” is a wise axiom. The key word there is better. Knowing more, knowing different, knowing new is not necessarily knowing - or doing - better.
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