Boundaries

Caveat: there are legitimate reasons for firm, no-contact boundaries. I am not referring to these.

Boundaries have become a means by which someone presents a list of demands I have to meet in order for them to tolerate my presence. 

Used to be, we all knew certain things weren’t brought up for discussion in a group setting.  Politics and religion were laid aside at social gatherings because nobody wanted to create conflict. We just wanted to eat the Thanksgiving turkey and enjoy one another’s company. 

Politics was not our raison d’etre, and religious beliefs were respected as highly personal and sacrosanct. We didn’t walk around with political chips on our shoulders and swords in our hands, waiting to lop off some ears.

These were socially constructed boundaries, generally followed in the interests of respect and peace. Tacit agreements that, if Uncle Ted had too much wine and started transgressing, Grandma would shush him with another slice of pie and a deft change of subject. 

We weren’t faking peace; everybody knew Aunt Freda voted for Carter and Pop-Pop voted for Ford, but who wanted to hear them bickering over it?

It feels a lot different now. Social justice causes demand warriors who wear their movement like a sandwich board. It carries over into friendships and even family ties, where every conversation becomes charged with tension and triggers.

Look - if you don’t want your most precious beliefs to be trampled on, don’t strew your floor with them and then invite me over, daring me not to step on any of them. Put down the banners and let’s enjoy common ground.

We can be friends without agreeing on every little thing. We can love in spite of significant differences.